No creepers allowed. 🚫away from my cousin! @amandeeezy #cousin #creepers #no #family #andrewrayel #cosmicgate

Waiting for my haircut! @lerevepastry #lereve #macarons #haircut #baking (at Le Rêve Patisserie et Café)

Those shoulders though…#shecanbenchme #fitgirl #sister #fitness #shopping #shoes #smile #asian #friday #quanbailed

Dating advice… #jluc #dating #girls #women #pasties #notkidding #butreallykidding #joke #funny

I’LL NEVER LOSE MY SUITCASE NOW! @jimmayhong #sfo #flights #heavybreathing #cat #meme #wah

LOOK MA! IT’S A MERVYNS! #mythicalbeast #oldschool #throwback #childhood #clothes #shittyshoppingtripswithmom

Nothing swings the pendulum of mood swings like the news that one of your brothers just passed away. It’s one of those things that makes you just freeze, go numb, and yell FUCK! & SHIT! as single words that somehow mean paragraphs. 

Having said all that…Iunno. from Dec 2013 and moving forward life has been like a movie. No really like a really weird movie. Am I happy? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE. Am I sad? AGAIN NO CLUE! 

I’m just living. I’m just living in the moment and this moment has been an interesting one. I’m not on a journey to find happiness. I’m just on a journey to have a story to tell, and so far I have more than I ever thought I would or should in this short period time. I just butchered my grammar here, but all these words are coming out unfiltered. When i really want to speak about how I feel, I just say FUCK! or SHIT!. FUCK! see. it’s contagious and waht not. As long as I just write things out then I should be ok.  

People die, People Live, 

Bad things happen to good people, & good things happen to good people

Sometimes the person that cares for everyone else in the room won’t care about you and vice versa

Sometimes the stars will align and bring you an attractive girl with a hip hop booty that the internet would adore….and you just won’t feel an attraction to her and you’ll shut her down knowing full well that it might come back to haunt your pride while leaving your heart intact. 

Sometimes…sometimes people just die.

Sometimes you’ll get stuck wondering what path to pick in life all the while people keep judging you on your indecisiveness.

Sometimes you’ll pick a path only for the same people to ridicule your path

Sometimes you’ll wake up and realize you kind of work in the adult industry

Sometimes you’ll realize happiness and sadness isn’t what matters. 

Sometimes you’ll realize it’s just the story you have along the way regardless of how sad or happy it is.

Sometimes you’ll realize they’re dead

Sometimes you’ll realize you can’t tell them anything else

Sometimes you’ll realize that you told them everything you could have told them, but you really didn’t because you knew them, cared about them, and always wanted the best for them and now they’re gone so you can’t yell at them for destroying their life and ruining the mood for all those around them that they were supposed to be there for. 

Sometimes you’ll realize that will power differs in everyone

Sometimes you’ll realize that the heavily loaded cocktail of emotions that you’re carrying right next to your heart right now is ready to explode and burn its way out of your body.

Sometimes you’ll realize that while all those emotions are brewing, you’re just sitting there with a resting heart rate.

Sometimes you’ll realize that you should just go to sleep

Sometimes you’ll realize you won’t ever hear their voice anymore

Sometimes you’ll realize you can’t write anymore

I love weddings. They’re beautiful moments full of suspense and emotions that just resonates throughout the room. This past friday on July 4th I was fortunate enough to go to my big bro Phuoc’s wedding. Phuoc and I have honestly had very limited interaction compared to other people that have been called my big brother. To be honest, it just started when years ago, my sister introduced me to Phuoc and said “This is Phuoc. He’s your big brother…and he knows good places to eat.” That was it. That was the beginning of our relationship. Since that moment i’ve just treated Phuoc like every other big bro of mine and didn’t bother bullshitting with him. In return he’s probably had more impact on me than he thinks. 

I’m just going to cut to the part I want to talk about because this is honestly just for me anyways. 

We’re at the restaurant for the reception and we finally get to the part where Phuoc and Tram (she was stunning! GO PHUOC!) come to our table and a speech happens. I had asked to do it earlier and even though in that moment I was brushed off…When Phuoc and Tram came, everybody (probably just me) was so inebriated that they weren’t prepared to give a table speech. Luckily I was!

This won’t be verbatim (half the fault is the liquor/other half is my memory) but it went something like this.

"I’m going to do the speech because I’m the only person at this table that has met you Tram. I just wanted to say that Tram, you’re getting a great guy. I just want to tell you that Phuoc has changed my life and he’ll continue to make your lives great because of one thing. He Believes. Phuoc is my big bro and honestly when I was younger and a shit head. Phuoc believed that I could be something better. He never told me it, but I could see it in his eyes that he didn’t lose faith in me. It helped me believe in myself and honestly move forward and progress. Now after all these years you guys are married. He’s helped me believe again. Phuoc’s faith and belief in love helped fuel this moment and when I heard you guys were getting married. It helped me believe. So thank to you guys and to this moment because you helped me a shallow 25 year old believe in love."

Honestly, what i wrote here is 100 times better than what i said. What came out of my mouth was so bad compared to this that writing it would make me dumber because I’m sober.

I love weddings! I really enjoyed Phuoc and Tram’s wedding. Did i enjoy it because everything went exactly as planned? HELL NO IT WASN’T! I enjoyed it because of every moment and experience that happened.

On July 4th I felt a plethora of emotions and moods and it was awesome. Did I feel happy? YEA, I’m at my big bro’s wedding! Fuck yea I’m happy. Did I feel confident? Fuck yea! I made some jaw dropping macarons that skeeted on all the other desserts! (Thanks to the cuzzo who helped and taught me all my macaron baking moves)!

Did I feel sad? Yea, When you’re single at a wedding. The ambiance of love can sometimes feel like a pillow trying to smother you. 

Did I feel shocked? HAH! Yes! My ex gf that for me can be described as “THE EX GF” (because saying THAT EX GF usually implies the crazy one) was somehow through an act of mother fucking coincidence seated next to me at the wedding. 450 people and I am the lucky bastard that gets to look up and see my ex gf come to my table saying she’s at my table and the only open seat is the one next to me. This one was actually a fun moment. I mean you see this in the movies, but it never really happens in real life. As soon as it happened, my first thoughts were “What would Ted Mosby Do?” and “What would Barney do?” Luckily, I had a bunch of drinks w/ me and I just went to pound town to kill the slight awkwardness. Pair this with Did I feel confused? because all I could think for a bit was “man…WTF?!?!?!” 

Like what do you say to your ex that you haven’t seen in years and she magically somehow ends up sitting next to you. We didn’t end on super bad terms (like restraining order shit). We just ended cause honestly there wasn’t enough maturity (probably moreso on my end) to keep a long distance relationship going. IUNNO,

All i can say is that it was weird. I had weird moments where I was all, Oh heres some food for her plate, and other moments where I was all. W.e IDC! It also seemed like she was forcing herself to sit next to me. At one point early on she even asked me if it would be ok for her to move to another table where her friends were. The convo went like this.

*This convo might not be 100% accurate. Not because I was drunk, but because I was caught off guard by her question and didn’t put it in my “REMEMBER EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS CONVO” section of my brain.

ex “hey would it be ok if I went over to the other table?”


ex ” Well, I don’t want to be rude to everyone.”

me “DUDE, just go! You know everybody over there. Just go. Everyone here will be fine with it.” 

ex “Well i just figured you might want to catch up, but I kind of want to catch up with people over there as well.”

Me “GO THEN! You haven’t seen those guys in years.” (I think i also mentioned that her catching up with them is probably more important to her than catching up w/ me….something like that)

ex “nvm then I’ll sit here”

me - (I’m just going WTF! at this moment. My initial reaction was “oh yea, you fell for this girl way back because you failed miserably to charm her and persuade her to do things. This might be one of those moments where she is staying here like one of those protest sit ins because you told her to leave…You know nothing E.T. Mac.) 

anywho she stayed and we talked mildly. Now, i freely admit that i’m not the smartest at everything, or know a good deal of information. However, if there is one thing I know. It’s the art of communication. So when I say we talked mildly. I mean we were like a pair of dancers that didn’t want to dance with one another. and I mean she didn’t want to talk to me. It was weird too because she started some subjects and I would respond only for her to just boom. Kill the tempo of the convo and kill it dead. Luckily for me, I’m a social butterfly so I just waltzed myself around the building having random conversations with strangers and making new friends. I even tried to draft her friends into finding her a spot by the table she wanted to be at and they just said that she seemed fine with it and maybe it was me over thinking it. YES, YES IT WAS ME OVER THINKING IT…MAYBE. Iunno it was weird. It was weird in a sense that I used to have in depth conversations with this person that would last for hours. and now we were having a conversation that felt like what i think eating cat food would be. not that enjoyable. W/e! While i do wish we could’ve talked like we once did when we were together or hell when we were friends. It didn’t happen and I love it. I got to experience a movie quality level of awkwardness and I love it. 

Back to the wedding. I love it. That whole day was awesome. it was full of everything I could ever want. I got to see fireworks, give lap dances, get picked up by 2 dudes (weird), cheer up random old vietnamese people by starting off the non communist vietnamese anthem, see love that didn’t start at the eyes but from the soul, a horrible MC, awkward ex encounters, THE BEST GOD DAMN TACO’S I’ve ever had (thanks phung), and a whole shit load of things I’m too lazy to list. 

I love weddings. A wedding is a MOMENT, that is made up of millions of small moments that just make life so interesting. 

Cheers to your Mid summer 2014 E.T. Mac. May your brain see this in the future and chastise you for any and everything here that you wrote. You probably will given how many rules of grammar you broke typing this. You sound like you have ADHD and a mild case of tourettes. Kudos 2014 E.T… You dumb dumb! 

TL:DR   -  Every moment matters, even in big MOMENTS like a wedding. AND WHO CARDS PEOPLE AT A WEDDING?!?!??! 

We at a wedding!!!

MY AWESOME CUBICLE NEIGHBOUR left this PSA about me. 😑😑😑. #neighborwithau #july4thweekend #cubiclelife #aff